2004-05-03 - 10:08 p.m.
I happen to have a lot to say about today.
It was surprisingly wonderful... except for the fact that Klint was at school... and that Band Director had to talk about what happened.
Whenever something bad happens to someone in the band, Band Director finds some way to get that person out of the room so she can tell everyone what's going on and what needs to be done. But today was worse because this was someone that we all knew.
And not only did she tell us what happened, she talked for a long time about depression.
Band Director: "I can't imagine going through life thinking that the people that love you would be better off without you in the world. And there are people that love you. There's one sitting right here in front of you."
That is what really got to me. I had to get up and leave the room 'cause I was afraid I would either start sobbing or I would puke.
I know that I have some great friends that do love me. And I know that my sister loves me. But I feel like I have been trying to win my parents- particularly my father's- love my whole life. Since the day my dad told me that he loved my sister more (I know you think I'm being stupid Sarah, but at the time it meant a lot to me and that's all that matters). To have my Band Director, whom I have great respect for, tell me that she loves me and she cares about me...
Ma Soeur almost convinced me to tell Band Director some stuff today. I know that I should tell her someday, but I'm not ready for her to know just yet. She would need to know more about what goes on at my house before she could understand.
On a lighter note, we still have DM tryouts this week. Got the tape and score for our audition piece. It's a very cool arrangement of Carmen. Uncle G conducted it when he was DM in college. And yay for Uncle G (or Mr. Purple... what have you)!!! Haven't seen him since colorguard tryouts. I loves me some Uncle G... even if he is a pervert that flirts with high school girls... did I mention that he teaches high school girls... and did I mention that he once told me that I look exactly like his girlfriend... *shudder*.....
