2004-05-19 - 8:35 p.m.
Airing of Grievances:
I hate children. Performing in front of a large group of children is not beneficial to my acting career. At least not at this point. You would think that Acting Teacher might teach us how to act before we entertain children. However, I did not kill any children. I might tomorrow.
I hate grammar. I am not capable of identifying grammatical errors. Why the hell are these people writing for the newspaper if they don't know grammar?
I hate the people in my English class. They are illiterate bastards. I'm sorry, but people who don't like to read should not be allowed to live. Much less take an honors English course.
I hate the South. I've been through this too many times.
I hate Protestants. I won't go there either. That was one of my early early early entries.
I hate contacts.
I hate my mother. She's irresponsible. She does not know how to finance. She thinks she's better than most people. She's the perfect example of an American. When she's not at work, she's starring blankly at the TV with her White Russian and cigarette, wondering why she's getting fat.
Am rather pissed at her at the moment.
The only corrective measure available for my type of hearing loss is a CROS hearing aid. Yes, they are very expensive. And yes, they are not successful in many cases. But that is why there is a fucking trial period. I asked her if she would help me out if I saved up most of the money to try it out. Of course she said no because my checking account is where she gets the money for the rent that she can't afford 'cause she buys useless crap. And my savings account is what she uses to put money into her checking account so checks don't bounce.
Of course, here's where the guilt comes in. I know that I should be thankful for the hearing that I do have. People don't understand what's wrong with me. And I don't have the energy to explain. Every deity around knows how much I just want to hear.
God damn, I just want to hear.
It seems like I was saying things like this just six months. When I was crazy. Great.
But seriously! Why won't my parents help me hear? I can't do this by myself. They've known about this for ten years. I've had to work around this by myself for 17 years, and it's hard when people don't understand.
I hate that this god damn project is making me not get to see people. And I hate that I'm afraid of people. I'm sorry.
I need a certain person right now. Sometimes I feel like time will stop if he just holds me...
