2004-07-05 - 5:52 p.m.
Yesterday, we went to Uncle John's house.
And dammit, I drank a Pepsi.
I fetched beer and listened to Aunt Stefka talk about her cat (Tobey) and her grocery store (Wal-Mart).
"People go one way, I go the other. It's alright."
I didn't even have to hear my uncle say, "Annie, why you no come see me?"
Although Uncle John is a traitor and went to the Evil Cousin John's Fourth of July Party That We Are Never Invited To.
Of course, I have never met Evil Cousin John, even though he lives right here in town. I have met his oldest daughter twice. I didn't know he had two other daughters until the day I met them. Oh man, I feel a story coming on...
* * *
It was summer, of course. The same summer that me, Sarah, Mom, Dad, Cousin Bobo, and Myron (Bo's brother... I just can't put a Cousin before that, it doesn't sound right) drove over to Uncle John's house to drink beer and tell stories about UFO's and whatnot. That was the summer before my sophomore year. The day after that wonderful drunken adventure, Cousin Bobo called to see if I wanted to go to see Chicken Run with him and Katie (Cousin John's daughter).
All my life people here have asked me if I know Katie. I don't see how everyone knows Katie. She (and her sisters) went to the most popular Catholic school around here. (I've always wondered why they didn't go to the Ukrainian Catholic school. It seems like the only people that go there aren't Ukrainian. But that's not the point.) My best friends went to school there too, and they knew my cousin when I didn't. Amanda had a birthday party one time and she invited Katie. I was sitting right next to her and didn't even know she was my cousin. Yes, sad.
I digress.... back to the movie. Sarah made me go to the movie because Katie is so close to my age and it's nice to have cousins that are your age... or something. Actually, it's nice to know your cousins, period. I still have yet to meet my dad's sister's kids. Or my dad's sister, for that matter. But I digress again...
So Cousin Bobo shows up at my house to pick me up, and we go and get Katie and her sisters. I did not know she had sisters at all. One of them is Elizabeth and the other one is Emily... I have no idea which is which. So we see Chicken Run. It was dumb. Then we go over to Evil Cousin John's house to swim in their pool. Evil Cousin John wasn't there because he's rich and works at a bank and disowns my father.
And that is my story.
* * *
About this Fourth of July Party That We Are Never Invited To. Evil Cousin John has that big party every year. I found out about it for the first time that same summer. Not from anyone that I'm related to, but from a friend's friend. Who is invited to the party every year. I told this to my dad, and he became infuriated. So he was very upset when he found out that my Uncle John was going over there. So on the way home I suggested to Dad that we go over there and demand to know why John does not invite his family to his big stupid party. My dad says no, because John does not like us. So then we had a conversation that ended up like this...
* * *
ME: "Oh, so does Bobo like us?"
DAD: "You would think so, but no."
ME: "Does Roman like us?"
DAD: "No."
ME: "Does Myron like us?"
DAD: "Myron's a good kid... but he doesn't like us."
* * *
So yes. And then the sister and I watched Keith Lockheart.
I love Keith Lockheart. Does that disturb you?
I'm sorry if you just read all that about my family. It was probably really boring.
